A Very (Belated) Zev Thanksgiving

Folks, year after year we sit down at the table with our loved ones for Thanksgiving. And year after year, the table groans with the weight of mediocre poultry. I’m talking turkey. Turkey is not good, people. I mean for god’s sake, you have to inject it with seasoning using a syringe to even make it palatable. And then it usually still comes out dry and bland. Every November we subject ourselves to this miserable bird in the name of ‘tradition’. And it’s not even a good tradition – it’s rooted in colonization and genocide.

So this year, I flipped the script. Instead of another year of delicious side dishes (namely stuffing and whipped chipotle sweet potatoes) accompanying a disappointing entree on Thanksgiving, I took matter into my own hands to ensure the ideal banquet meal. No more turkey – it’s fried chicken this year. Not only is it delicious, but I think it pairs nicely with the rest of our traditional Thanksgiving sides.

We’re gonna keep it simple – something like a Nashville Hot Chicken would clash with our cranberry sauce and potatoes. As such, we’re starting with a classic overnight buttermilk brine.

We need our largest Le Creuset to fit all of this chicken on Thanksgiving Eve.

The next day, our chicken is ready to roll and we need to make our dredge (fancy cooking term for those who are in the know). In a touching tribute to my favorite American fast food fried chicken chain, Popeyes, the spices in our dredge will emulate my beloved Cajun Sparkle.

The key to efficient fried chicken production is a good assembly line. Henry Ford would be proud. Actually, probably not, because he hated Jews. Like, a lot. Anyway, let’s fry some chicken! We’re looking for an oil temperature above 350 degrees.

Though our first few pieces turned out beautifully…

…we ran into problems pretty quickly. When Doug and I were initially purchasing the chicken, we agonized over whether or not we should get chicken breasts because we were concerned that they were too big (be mature) to fry effectively. And it turns out, our concerns were legitimate. The cold chicken breast coming out of the buttermilk caused the temperature of our oil to dip, which produced un-crisp chicken and longer cooking times.

It’s unfortunate, but at least the chicken that fried properly (wings and drumsticks) came out nicely, especially when paired with the rest of our delicious sides.

My execution of the chicken might not have been perfect, but the idea remains solid. People, don’t let your Thanksgiving get ruined by a slice of turkey that’s drier than the Sahara Desert. Embrace other protein sources: fried chicken, or ham, or maybe even steak – all pair well with the usual sides if you want to hold on to tradition. Thanksgiving is about eating good food with your loved ones – turkey does not fit the bill for such an occasion.